Keeping busy

While not being active is a challenge for me, but today it paid off.  For the last week I have been knitting and either listening to music or watching old videos, and this is the first day I am headache free!  I also finished the sweater I was making for ,y grandson Emory!

The next 10 days I'm going to tackle learning how to quilt.

Graduation night

Last night I was part of McLain Community High Schools graduation.  These kids were excited, and proud to be moving on to the next stage of their lives.  Family and friends packed the auditorium, and there was cheering and camera flashing going on throughout the celebration.  As the students received their diplomas they filed past their teachers where we could greet and exchange congratulations.
This was a emotional event for me.  Each of these graduates have overcome some type of obstacle to become successful.  I was a small part of that journey and feel proud to be part of their journey. 
I came home exhausted and exhilarated, my strength is far from normal and seeing these students reaching their goal was truly joyous.
As my surgery approaches I am feeling despondent, I remember my students "acting out" towards the end of the year.  New beginnings are kinda scary.  I am focusing on a successful surgery and endeavoring to stay positive that the results will be good.  It's the unknowing that is disrupting me. 
Here's to waking up to good news and looking forward to a healthy future.

Blowin in the wind

For those who have seen Harry Potter (and that is most everyone Bob) there is a scene where Harry is riding on his broomstick getting tossed around during a Quiditch match.  After seeing the Neurologist Dr. Albright I am feeling a lot like Harry.
He wants to do more testing on my thyroid before the scheduled surgery, and was pretty up front about the next 8 weeks.  I will probably loose my hair (think of me as Senead O'Connor) and my finger nails will be thin and broken.  This is without chemo which I may have to have, yet to be determined.
I will have to postpone my vacation in June to see my grandson Emory, but he was clear about postponing it, not cancelling it.  Still focusing on June 9th being the road to normality, after the mass is removed and analyzed the medical community will provide a path towards better health for me.

Which is it?

Are my headaches caused by exercise or blood thickness?  This is a great example of isolating a symptom and determining it's effect.  Except I have compounding factors.  My INR is 3 which is as thin as the doctors want my blood to be and I have quit exercising.  Is it both or just one?  I would like to continue walking and being  a little active but not at the risk of causing harm to myself.
Therefore today I went on a walk in Golden along Clear Creek.  I highly recommend it, nice path, restaurants along the way, and the creek running rapidly towards the Coors plant.  I thoroughly enjoyed it and am hoping there will be no headache to follow tonite.

Probation

Dr. Straub lectured me on listening to my body.  If I am getting headaches and they are getting worse I should be resting not exercising.  Even though my current exercise is so far from what I would like to be doing for exercising. 
I feel like listening to my body is like listening to my Mom tell me something I already know.  Nothing is more annoying when you don't like what is being told to you.  Since April 9th I have tried to change and listen to what my body is telling me, before that I thought I could overcome what my body had to say, something like mind over matter.
Today I was sitting in the sun reading, something I always enjoyed when life was full and I could enjoy a few moments to enjoy the sunshine, now I have to remind self to sit and relax.  Healing for me is also mind over matter, rest versus run.

If nothing we do matters..

Then the smallest act of kindness, or courage, or perseverance is grace.  It is what makes us smile and content.  How we choose to live the next moment determines the next hour and day and year. 
Live for the moment knowing your choices will grace the outcome of your future.

Last Night

I was awake most of the night with severe hot flashes.  I was literally generating so much heat that the bed beneath me was hot.  It is lonely in the night when you can't sleep.  Knowing that Rob has to get up for work the next morning, I endure.  The night seems endless when you are awake.
And in the morning I am exhausted both in spirit and body, and this is when Rob requests I ask the doctor if I will be OK by myself.  I didn't suffer by myself, he was suffering with me, not knowing what to do, only knowing I was in misery.
Another day leading to another night.