Thursday, May 13, 2010

I don't want to think

I haven't been keeping up the last two days because I have been in a funk.  After all it is May 12 and for the last three days we have had snow.  The first two days I stayed in reading books, getting caught up on the checkbook, trying to keep myself busy, but what happened is I had to much time to think.  Think about the blood clots, think about the thyroid cancer, think about my backache, think about my headache, wondering if they were signs that another "episode" was on it's way.
Today I met with colleagues at work, and I thought about how I miss my kids, about what I can do better and different for next year, what my friends and colleagues are up to, how I miss everyone there.  I didn't notice my aches, and barely felt any headache at all.  A few asked what was going on with me, but most know I am in a holding pattern.
Now is the time for healing, and as most people know healing occurs in its own time, not on your agenda.  I am exercising and following doctor orders and my strength is slowly returning.  My patience has been tried many times over because the healing is progressing much more slowly than I would like.  However, the key is it is progressing, and all the people I meet and know are supportive and caring.  Looking for that silver lining, no one is pushing me to heal except for me, and that is as it should be.  I need to push, but not to hard.  The line the dividing "push" and "too hard" is illusive,  the best I can do is keep at it and use the support I am getting from everyone to keep at it!

1 comment:

  1. it dcfinitely does help to have some distractions when you don't feel so good. I can only imagine what it is like to be in a holding pattern when you want so much for things to get better quickly.
    We are heading down to the Ark this weekend. Wayne hopes to take some friends on the rookie run, but mostly we'll be there to repeat swiftwater rescue. I hope the weather cooperates.
    Thinking of you guys...